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But for other daters with secrets -- a history of sexually transmitted diseases, a conviction for drunken driving, an obsession with "Star Trek" -- the tell-and-then-kiss approach doesn't necessarily work. Throughout his 20s and 30s the body-care products salesman suffered from severe psoriasis, a red, scaly skin condition that covered 20 percent of his body.
Besides the itching and discomfort, there was the painful matter of having to tell a date that things might look a little "unsightly" but that "it's not contagious." Rather than share those details over an initial cup of coffee, "I got to know [the person] first, and if I thought we might get intimate, I would tell them," says Gilbert, who is now married and completely psoriasis-free, thanks to medication he has been taking for five years.
"You can't do that in a new relationship because you don't know the other person yet." How soon is too soon?
Besides, waiting to reveal a potential deal breaker such as herpes or 0,000 in credit-card debt is just good dating decorum, says syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage, author of "The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family." "You don't want someone to reveal too much at first because that itself is a deal breaker," he says.